Wish you were here (again...)

The careless existence…
My ability to dream, and to dare. My wish to soar up in the sky. The child inside me that was still holding on to your hems. The grown up woman that had started understanding your pains. The girl that had all her thoughts read by you. The brat who had the tiniest of her wishes fulfilled by you.
They all miss you…
I do not understand how you spanned the entire expanse of my skies, without me realizing it! I cannot figure out how you made everything fall into place for me without me even noticing it. All I saw was a life full with comfort and happiness. I could not see your invisible hands tidying up my now-topsy-now-not world. Now when I look back to those innumerable insignificant moments of my life, moments that were pleasure, joy and peace- I realize you were the guiding force that shaped them the way they were. And I understand the significance of those moments now- when I miss them, when I can’t have them. Reading a book comfily in those winter afternoons, having my favorite samosas on those wet evenings, having my favorite dishes in the tiffin everyday, receiving a carton full of goodies in the hostel totally unexpected, getting more dresses to wear than even I could desire as a teen ager, getting my favorite music cassettes unexpectedly…. Trivialities like these… And also significant moments, when you supported my decisions when nobody else did, when you willingly colored your dreams according to my choice, throwing away your wishes, and when you gladly made my plans the purpose of your life…
And then one fine day, without saying good bye, you just went away, never to come back…
I miss all these. And more than anything else, I miss having a home.
You were my home. I have none now…