Mind Over Matter

The farewell of night was not yet complete. The dawn was reluctant to say good bye. And the night was hesitant to leave. The sky was part grey, part pink. Like the healthy cheeks of a dusky maiden. She sat by the window all alone- unaccompanied, but for the early rising birds and late sleeping creatures of the dark. Lost in thought, she would make for a melancholy picture, in her white night dress. She had a black stole loosely wrapped around her. Her attire had contrasting colors, as were her thoughts. Never in her life, had she experienced such divergent emotions. And emanating from the same source! But then her life has always been a tale of contrasts. She has always been circumspect. Not letting go of herself, when it came to major events. But at the same time, she has been impulsive about her day to day life. She has been mature and analytical when it came to big decisions. And she has been extremely child like when it came to little circumstances. So now, she was confused. Is this so inconsequential that she can afford to be impulsive? Her mind refuted that violently. No matter what the outcome be, it’s as far from being inconsequential as possible. So why is she going with the dictate? Not holding on, not giving it a thought, just bowing her head and taking it as it is given? Like a priestess in a pagan temple, she was genuflecting and offering herself at the stone altar. She had never considered herself so brave. No fear, just calmness; when she knows she stands to lose a lot, to get bruised.
But this is as if she can look at herself from outside. And she knew that she would be there for herself. That she is strong enough to ride through this storm. Not that she was certain of the outcome, but she was certain she wanted to roll the dice…
The sky grew pale blue. The chill of the breeze was caressing her burning skin. She felt giddy. And yet peaceful. It could be the years lived by, could be the lessons she had learnt, could be the pebbles she had gathered; or could be a mere act of stupid impulsiveness. She did not care. Perhaps because she knew what it was after all! In all the walks of life, all her moments put together, this was perhaps the very first time that she was truly guided by her heart and not by her mind. Perhaps, for the first time she had found answers to her questions. And she didn’t care if logic was defied in the process. She wishes to be the shepherd girl walking down the twisting valley who knows nothing about it. She gets to gather the early bloom. Unlike the shop girl in a huge metropolitan super store, whose day begins and ends with bargains. She loses and she wins. But at the end, it’s trifling business. And business is what she was not up for…
The morning was complete. There was a golden paint spilt on the leaves fresh from last night’s rain. It’s like her thoughts consummated it. She smiled. And went off to sleep…